March 5, 2009

• Am I ever in a good mood.  I have finally caught up on my rest and my house (I hate it when it’s a mess!).  I have started knitting (but not too much…no wrist strain this vacation!) and I am just feeling good.

  I am also in a much better frame of mind about myself.  After the searing negativity of that blog last week regarding PT, I have sort of waited to see how I was feeling.  And you know what? I am feeling okay.  I did not end up hating myself.  I think I am getting cured of that habit (and it’s a pretty good habit to get cured of!). 

  As a matter of fact, I think that incident has fueled some new resolve in my life. Well…and maybe actually having some free time to think!  I have decided that I am going to be taking better care of myself.  And I started doing that yesterday. 

  I also did a big task yesterday.  I tackled my Closet of Shame. 

  

  What is that, you might wonder?  Wellll….It’s the whole closet of my size M wardrobe.  Last fall, I was desperately hoping that I’d get to wear the stuff for this summer, so I had just left it there.  Also, it has been a painful reminder of how far away from that wardrobe I am.  So, even though I have really, really needed the space, I have left the closet there, practically a shrine to has-beens.

  Only, yesterday I changed that.  Instead of being a reminder of shame, I turned it into fuel for my resolve.  I went to Walmart and got two big totes and packed my clothes in them.  I did not give the clothes any more power over me.  I will admit to being shocked at how tiny my t-shirts and even my underpants were two summers ago….But I didn’t feel bad about where I am now, I just accepted that I am where I am.

  I think it goes back to the mirror thing…I did not actually end up in a cycle of self-loathing about that incident.  I sort of waited and bided my time to see how I would feel, and really, I didn’t end up feeling bad (aside from that initial shock that day).  I realized that my old habits and behavior patterns have changed.  I am not really sure that I can think and act the way I used to.  That’s a really good thing, because it frees me from my old habits and opens me to new possibilities.

  So, maybe when I packed away that clothing (Summer of 2010?) I also was able to pack away a lot of the negative body baggage that I had.

  

  Yup….I’m in a good mood and I feel pretty hopeful of new beginnings!!!!!!

  Oh yes, and that knitting?

  The Love Bird shawl is started. (And frogged and started and frogged...but is finally started!)

  

  (BTW...bad picture for showing yarn color...and do you see that big oops on the bottom left by the needle? Yup...it got frogged again after the pic!)

  And yummy new yarn for a yummy new baby blanket.  (I had to buy new yarn, the pattern called for sport weight and I don’t keep sport weight in stock around here!)

  

  Oh and that list…

   Start Love Birds shawl

    Lunch with Speedy (ummm...I guess Speedy you should consider that an invitation, I'll give you a call! )

    Car shopping (I'm just going on a look)

    Date with dh

    Outdoor exercise 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 times

    Make camping reservations for summer (squee!)

    Do the taxes (or facilitate dh doing the taxes!)

    Clean our bedroom

    Wash my sweaters

    Clean out my car

    Take my car to have its funny noise fixed

    Purge 50  41 18 items

    Make and freeze a dozen meals

    Make March menu and get back on track with the Meal Plan

    Vote on Town Meeting day (not that I actually voted...but it's a gone by deal now)

    Bloodwork

    Allergist

    Get together with Luna

  • 6:24 am
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